I’m no t talking about lotus or reverse-cowgirl. I’m talking real styles of loving. There are six basic ones that may overlap but vary in intensity. They are:
1. Eros: it’s the root of the word EROTIC. This is the love of beauty. Because it is also characterized by powerful physical attraction, eros epitomizes “love at first sight.” This is the kind of love, often described in romance novels, in which the lovers experience palpitations, light-headedness, and intense emotional desire.
Erotic lovers want to know everything about each other-what she or he dreamed about last night and what happened on the way to work today. They often like to wear matching colors, to order the same foods when dining out, and to be identified with each other as totally as possible.
This is the kind of euphoric love when lovers first get together. When they are all lovey dovey.
2. Mania: characterized by possessiveness, jealousy, possessiveness and intense dependency, mania may be expressed through anxiety, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, headaches, and even suicide because of real imagined rejection by the desired person. Manic lovers are consumed by thoughts of their beloved and have an insatiable need for attention and signs of affection.
Mania is often associated with low self-esteem and a poor self-concept. As a result, manic people typically are not attractive to individuals who have a strong self-concept and high self-esteem.
3. Ludus: this is carefree and casual love that is considered “fun and games.” Ludic lovers often have several partners at one time and are not possessive or jealous, primarily because they don’t want their lovers to become dependent on them. Ludic lovers have sex for fun, not emotional rapport. In their sexual encounters, they are typically self-centered and may be exploitative because they do not want commitment, which they consider “scary.”
So this is where all men fall! Lol.
4. Storge: (pronounced “STOR-gay”) is a slow burning, peaceful, and affectionate love that “just comes naturally” with the passage of time and the enjoyment of shared activities. Storgic relationships lack the ecstatic highs and lows that characterize some other styles.
Sex occurs late in this type of relationship, and the goals are usually marriage, home, and children. Even if they break up, storgic lovers are likely to remain good friends. Because there is a mutual trust between them, temporary separations are not a problem. In storgic love, affection develops over the years, as in many lasting marriages. Passion may be replaced by spirituality, respect, and contentment in each other’s company.
5. Agape: the classical Christian type of love, agape (pronounced “AH-gah-pay”), is an altruistic, self-sacrificing love that is directed toward all humankind. Agape is always kind and patient and never jealous or demanding, and does not seek reciprocity.
Intense agape can border on masochism. For example, an agapic person might wait indefinitely for a lover to be released from prison, might tolerate an alcoholic or drug-addicted spouse, or might be willing to live with a partner who engages in illegal activities or infidelity.
6. Pragma: this is rational love based on practical considerations, such as compatibility. Indeed, it can be described as “love with a shopping list.” A pragmatic person seeks compatibility on characteristics such as his or her background, education, religious views, occupational interests, and recreational pursuits. He one person does not work out, the pragmatic person moves on, quite rationally, to search for someone else.
Pragmatic lovers look out for their partners, encouraging them, for example, to ask for a promotion or finish college. They are also practical when it comes to divorce. For example, a couple might stay together until the youngest child finishes high school or until both partners find better jobs.
So there you have them, the six styles of love: eros or love of beauty, mania or obsessive love, ludus or playful love, storge or companionate love, agape or altruistic love, and pragma or practical love. Where do you fit in?