To say I feel awful would be a gross understatement! *groan* I want to slit my wrists in an ice cold pool! Frickety frick! I do not mean these psycho headaches I’ve been suffering! I mean like in my mind in my heart I am in anguish! over a predicament I have caused by acting foolishly in a moment of chaos extreme desperation! And it may cost me a very valuable relationship. One that I’ve cherished and appreciated for so long. My world was falling apart & I was trying everything I could to try and hold it together… I ended up doing something that is a taboo! In retrospect I see now that no excuse in the world can suffice as a justification. But honestly at the time I was disillusioned, frantic for salvation & completely out of my mind! I cold have done anything! But I should not have done what I did. At all. A little too late but I know this now.
What is worse is that I have disrespected someone I care very deeply about. someone who has been so much more than a friend to me in every manner possible. I’m uneasy, restless, near tears about it! She has been gracious enough to embrace me as family & now I have really jeopardized all that. I cannot bear to think that a beautiful friendship tha has lasted the last 10 years could be over because I was stupid & mindless & frigging embarrassed! How did I get to this point? God help me! I need to make it right before it gets irreconcilable. I hate how things have turned out. I’m really sorry. My heart is heavy. Someone I love is very angry at me for crossing the line. I just pray that we can work it out. That she can find it in herself to forgive me.
Oh how easily something good can be ruined by a rash action.