I can quite confidently say I’m a strong woman. I actually place myself on a pedestal for that, but I recently realized I have one very striking weakness. . . One that I’ve been in denial about for aeons. For fear of admitting that I have vulnerability. But alas, even the mighty Achilles had his heel! And for me that weakness is food! FOOD!!!
When it comes to food that pedestal I place myself on gets overweighed (almost literally :-s) and turns into a pillar of salt (now am thinking of crisps!) that comes a-crumbling down! Pardon my biblical metaphors. I simply can’t resist the urge to eat. . . To be honest sometimes I’m not even hungry, just the mere fact that there is food around is enough to get me to make a pig of myself. And I’m so disgusted now.
I’ve always had a love for food but that love slowly evolved into a passion, then before I knew it, it had escalated into a dependency! For everything I needed. When stressed, I turn to chocolate for some sweet relief. When bored I can always count on cooking some potato dish or something a tad fancier to elevate my mood. When feeling unappreciated I can, without fail, bank on some Kenchic (breast, extra crispy skin, chili n vinegar n salt n that kachumbari that my girl Jonelle calls dodgy lol) for a sense of instant, but unfortunately short-lived, gratification. I have become a comfort eater and food is my security blanket. I’m ever ready to englut in anything and everything and it started to show. As it always has.
Every time I binge I end up packing on the pounds. I’ve become more and more rotund but I quickly dismiss it. Blaming my expansion on everything from the ‘freshman fifteen’ to ‘it runs in the family.’ Yet I’m still biting off more than I can chew in every sense of the word, and what I can’t chew I more or less swallow whole! 😦 Tsk. Food has seductive powers over me! It’s kind of like I’ve been bewitched by a culinary enchantment that drives me to act harum-scarum and just revel in food! Like I have a deep and firmly rooted penchant for anything edible that can give me some satisfaction, alleviation, solace and consolation. Sigh! I have been beguiled!
This nemesis of mine was never too big a deal though. Sure, a con is that it gives me a more portly build but that’s okay with me. I’ve never fancied a slight frame for myself, I mean come on! I am Oshin! Can you picture me skinny? Lol. Neither can I. And I love my look. But now it’s bigger than that. My ingurigation has brought me to the precipice of danger.
At my age, and height, my roly-polyness is on the wrong side of healthy. Actually it’s on the wrong side of, over the hills and far away from healthy! I’m risking so many conditions like diabetes an high blood pressure (which both actually do run in the family) and heart diseases that my revelry of butter only threaten to exacerbate! Not to mention the medical hitches I’ve already faced so far as a result of my weight. I keep vowing to myself that I will tame my eating habits and that I will start working out to get back in shape but I’m always the proverbial barking dog, who however bites! And munches! And chews! More and more and more! For shame! I want to beat this dependency. I need to wake up and smell the coffee and say ‘no cream thanks!.’ I need to kick this bad eating habit before I kick the bucket! But right now what I really want is some cake and custard! 😦 😦 😦