We all have that one man in our lives who will forever be the very S.I. Unit of what our ideal lover should be; think Mr. big to Carrie Bradshaw. The one man that we live for, would kill for and die for. “The One.” They call him so because, so help us God, there couldn’t possibly be two people in the world-simultaneously or in succession-that a woman could feel that way about.  “The One” because only one person can ever come that close to being the embodiment of everything you ever wanted in a man.  In YOUR man!

The Big One

Everything about this man is pure enchantment! From the hypnotic way you met to the  time-stopping, earth-moving first kiss to all other firsts (that you either just want to sing about or lock up in your memories to savour in the privacy of your mind). The cherry on top is that it seems like The One was custom made just for you down to the very last detail! The way he looks, the way he walks, talks, the things he does for and to you, his age, his laugh, the way he smells, his blunt honesty or his spontaneous nature, the fact that he cooks or is good with children. Whatever it is about him fits in well with what you’ve always wanted. A man you can be you completely yourself with! Enthralling! A man made for you so precisely that you fit perfectly into his arms!



You dote on him with everything you do, say, think and dream. He becomes The One who deletes the memories of every man that ever preceded him and that will overwrite those of any that may succeed him. The One that has you thanking God everyday for being so blessed. The One that makes you feel special just for loving and being loved by him. The One and only.

An interminable ardour erupts inside of you and you lose yourself in it. The One becomes your bottomless pit and you never stop falling. You enjoy this bliss because you know in your heart how much you longed for it. How long and hard you used to pray for the love of your inamorata to be real. To be reciprocated. To be pure. Only you know the pains the yearning had put you through. Now that you have it you settle comfortably in your love Eden. Nirvana! Ecstasy!

breaking up

But alas! The world is unfortunately not at all perfect, ipso facto neither a perfect man nor a perfect love can exist in it. Soon or later, the fabric that this sweet reality was materialized in begins to unravel spinning you down into a break-up that has you dizzy, nauseous and disoriented! Suddenly, it’s all over!!!

Your world turns into a vast cold void-a vacuum if you will- nothingness! you wallow in all the ”what ifs”, you get obsessed with the “but he always used to…” and you desperately cling to the “maybe if I…” which sadly, never help the situation. You replay everything that lead up to the end in your mind over and over again just to see if there were signs you missed. If there was somewhere you went wrong.

Next comes the coping mechanisms which involve everything from drowning your sorrows in a bottle (or 17) of something strong enough to wipe out the taste & memory of the pain of being jilted; locking yourself up in a dark room listening to Sade; or getting a total make over to make you feel brand new again. Then your friends and family, in a bid to be supportive, convince you that you were always too good for the bastard anyway! That he never really respected, appreciated or loved you they way you deserve to be. They throw hackneyed encouraging quotes at you and manage to get your confidence up again. You start to remember that you are fabulous! A phenomenal woman! And just to prove that you are, and that the problem was not you, you manage to seduce & date another.

At first you immerse yourself in the new relationship just so that you can have something else to occupy your time rather than the bereavement you feel after the break up. Plus you are still trying to prove to yourself that you are not the problem. That you are someone who can still be wanted. Someone who can still be loved. Not as worthless & valueless as the demise of the last relationship had you feeling. As time goes on, you actually start to come alive again with the new man. You smile more genuinely, you get re-acquainted with happiness and love slowly starts to creep back into your drained heart.

the NEW one

As great as things are with the new one however, it just never feels as right as it did with The One. Things he says or does keep reminding you of The One by triggering thoughts like “he would never do this” or ” he always used to do/say it like this”. Soon it’s just not good enough because you realize you still love The One as much as you did before all the turmoil. New guy just doesn’t measure up. Not by fault of his ow, it’s just that he is not The One.

One way or another, your paths cross again. You just seem to gravitate towards each other. even though you are with someone new and he may have moved on too, the force of your presence together is too strong to ignore. You both hold strong but soon one of you relents and a call is made. “I miss you” the caller says, and the one on the receiving end gets drawn back in. Then maybe a text “I just saw/heard . . . and it made me think of you.”  Next thing you know you’re seeing each other again. Everything and everyone  else doesn’t matter any more! Every lie, every heart break and heart c=ache, ever single tear or insecurity melts away with that re-uniting embrace!

Back together


Everything is peachy again now that you are back in love. . . until the next time something happens to shatter the perfect relationship & break you down again. Plummet you into a dark place. Until you get back together again. The cycle continues. Because with The One, it never completely ends. It is never The End! The bond between you is too strong to let that happen yet circumstances just will not allow you two to live in peace. You are always on and off until it reaches a point whereby you don’t even know what is what any more. Where it gets hard to distinguish between a lovers’ tiff and an actual break up.

after a while (sometimes years) one of you sobers up and realizes that a lot of time and energy has been wasted over all the see-sawing of the relationship. It reaches a do-or-die whereby you or The One makes the decision to either give it all you’ve got TOGETHER or completely call it quits and walk away without a backwards glance. A choice that will be the difference between The One for life or The One that was. . .

No matter the decision, The One will always live on in your heart & mind. The One who will hold that title.